Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
