You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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