see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
