I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
