watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
