Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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