I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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