Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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