Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
did you just send me my own nude
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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