4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
