I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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