I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
