I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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