i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
