Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
