He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
