Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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