I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
