So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
