No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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