He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
