Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
