I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
