So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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