I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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