so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
