I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
