the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize