i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
