he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
