God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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