My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he thought i was a dude.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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