What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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