Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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