There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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