3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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