I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize