I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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