Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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