What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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