True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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