Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
