is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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