I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you never un-have a 4some
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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