He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You did what with his pubic hair?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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