I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
and you fell through a lawn chair
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