dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize