did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
