He kissed a someone with a penis
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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