there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
