Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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