Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize