a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
