That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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