More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
