I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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