If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
