Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize