party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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