i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
