my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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