is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Randomize
