plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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