you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
