I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
