he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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