he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think i got beer on your cat.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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