well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
