um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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