Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize