Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
