I could make wine with my vomit
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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