So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize