He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
