Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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