Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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