New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
