why didn't you poke me back
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Welp...herpes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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