Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize