Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize