This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
