i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize