It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He has the fingertips of a God
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