I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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