I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize