Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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