You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
