I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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